Waiting

For those of you used to my light, funny entries, you may want to skip this one...it's going to be a little heavy. I'm in a bit of a Thomas Hardy mood: hopelessly and endlessly tragic. You see, dear readers, life isn't always easy. Sometimes we make huge mistakes. Sometimes we ignore our own wisdom and do not what is wise, but what is immediately gratifying. Why can I not get my life together? I refuse myself nothing. I take what I want when I want. The result? Broken relationships. Debt. Stress. Ugliness. And worst of all, a huge discrepancy between what I COULD do and what I AM doing.

I know that I'm not the only one, but I always fancied myself above this kind of stumbling. Part of growing up is learning that you're just as suceptible to failure and humility as the next Joe Blo. It's a painful and humbling process. I guess that's why they call it growing pains. To achieve something great in this world, we must accept things that are not natural for us to accept: sacrifice and patience.

Often I wonder what Jesus thought on his path to die. Not that we can ever match Jesus' perfection, but maybe he was giving us an example of what we all have to do to achieve our potential. What a failure he would have been if he had said no to God! Where would we be? What would we be? (Don't say Jewish.)

And the waiting must have been the hardest part, knowing that pain and suffering were what awaited him. But, they were temporary. It's hard for me to see the light through the pain, even when greatness is promised. Can it be time now? Can I summon the strength to endure the pain of sacrifice so that I may become something greater than what I am? I hope so. I guess now would be a good time to summon that power stronger than my own will, the same power that kept Jesus putting one foot in front of the other.