Thursday, July 26, 2007

Not as Much Excitement, but Boring Nonetheless

There's been no tree climbing nor have I consumed an entire bottle of wine in the past few days, but I have slept A LOT. How's that for adventure?? Really, though, if you knew about some of the crazy dreams I have on a regular basis, you'd realize how brave I really am.

But besides sleeping, I've also been filling my time with some fairly productive activity. For instance, I've been taking a metal sculpting class and OMG. I am awesome at it. Last night, my teacher was all, "Queen's kicking the boys' butts!" And he wasn't lying. I was kicking everyone's butts. (The class is all boys, except for me. And by boys, I mean grown men.)

Then, I decided that I should probably do some stone sculpting as well. I'm also awesome at that.

Now, I know that you're all pretty impressed and intimidated by my mad skills, however I have to confess that all of the aforementioned activity takes about 6 hours every week.

I sleep about 8 - 12 hours a day. I watch the People's Court everyday. And that makes up for the majority of my time. It's sad, isn't it? I have 3 months off every year and I spend the majority of it sleeping.

I have 3 more weeks of summer. I pray to Zeus that I'll be able to wake up.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

What I've Been Up To...No Exaggerations

According to Forky, all 3 of my faithful readers are worried because I've been so tardy in updating my blog. Thanks for worrying, by the way. It makes me feel loved.

But, seriously, what have I been up to?? And that's a good question. I'd be lying if I said I've been filling my summer vacation days with productive, healthy activity. I mean, this week I've done much better so far, but last week....

Last week was...well, to put it lightly, indulgent.

Monday night a friend came over and we decided it would be a good idea to drink some alcohol. I'm sure most of you can relate to this, because oft times, when you're sober, alcohol does seem like a good idea. *sigh*

Betwixt the two of us, 2 bottles of wine were consumed, plus 4 shots of Vodka, 1 beer, and a Whiskey Sour. I won't say who drank what, but I will say that in all of my relationships, be it a friendship or more, I believe in equality.

Suffice it to say, that I was completely out of control. I loudly explained to my friend in the bar (and trust me...EVERYONE heard) that my college shenanigans were nothing like prostitution, because I gave it away for free. Classy. THEN, on the walk back to my apartment, I reminisced about my childhood days when I was such a good tree climber. To prove my point, I climbed a tree. In downtown Everycity. Across the street from one of the fanciest hotels in town. And because of my drunken state, while the climb up was indeed fairly graceful, the climb down gave me a nasty cut on my foot and a pretty big bruise on my arm. Incidentally, I didn't even know I was bleeding until we got back to my apartment and I looked at my foot. (Dear Reader, please make a mental note here: do not climb trees whilst drunk.)

I spent ALL Tuesday recovering. So sickly was I, that for most of the day, I did not even feel like eating! (I KNOW.)

Wednesday, I had to go visit my man in jail and go to my metal sculpting class. (By the way, I'm a bad-ass at welding. Just like in Flashdance..."she's a maniac, maniac"...but for me they'd change the lyrics from "on the floor" to "in real life.")

Thursday was another day full of shameless indulgence. All I had been wanting for the past umpteen thousand days was some freakin' cheese fries. So, some friends and I went to this local burger joint that is absolutely known for their cheese fries. I ordered cheese fries almost as soon as we sat down. The waitress came back and asked us what we wanted for our meals. I told her the cheese fries were my meal. She looked at me like I was crazy. Clearly, she was a wise old sage because, as it turns out, I am crazy. It took me ALL of Friday to recover from the cheese fries binge. Let's just say, the first few hours of the day were so bad, they were quite literally painful. PAINFUL.

This week has been much better, howev. No more cheese fries or whole bottles of wine for me, no sir! It's time to look for new ways to be indulgent!

I'll let you guys know what I come up with.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

A letter to Myself, from Myself, part duex

Dear Queen, III,
Even though your laziness has reached an all time high, I still love you! You are just too fabulous not to love. Now it's true that most of the time you could do more with your hair, and for the love of Pete, could you put some eyeliner on every now and again??? But, despite your tendency toward couch potato-ism, you're still pretty great, and I should know.

Wasn't it great to see RHMFT today in Hott Yoga and watch his "professional trainer" a$$ get kicked?? Man, that was too fun! I'm pretty sure the delight you took in his struggles with the 34 postures of the Fire class might go against Yoga principles, but whatev. He had it comin'!

But, I really do need to get down to business here, Queen. You're turning into a lazy good-for-nothing! This is not what we intended! I realize that your man's in jail and you're confused about whether or not you should use this time to revel in your Spinsterhood, or to "stand by your man," so to speak, but your idleness is seriously ridiculous. I mean, the hours consumed by TV alone are staggering. I also realize that the incessant rain has really put a damper on your plans to get a kick-a$$ tan this summer, but for the love of Joe, just reactivate your tanning salon membership!! You see, there really is a solution to every problem!

Listen, you have 1.75 months of summer vacation left. That's plenty of time to redeem yourself! Get to it. Before you lose all your friends, Taraji emancipates himself, and you get more cellulite on you butt. And I'm only saying this because I care.

Yours always and forever,

Queen, III