Good News, Everybody! I Have a Boyfriend!

I got a phone call from Doc's Bail Bonds today. Doc told me that my boyfriend had given them his girlfriend's phone number because she has a job. And apparently, I was the girlfriend, because Doc was calling me. Now, I was not aware that I had a boyfriend. However, the good news is that he's in jail, so he can't cheat on me!!! At least not with another girl. Isn't it fabulous, guys?! Aren't you so, so proud? I think I'll tattoo his name on my neck.

Inner Monologue

I love yoga. I really do. Nothing's better. I don't care what anybody says. Even people who say that it's all just a load of crap. They're probably just jealous....although I'm not sure of what. My eye won't stop twitching. Just like when I took the LSAT. I can't wait until school is out. I think I'll camp out by the pool for a full week. Nobody would miss me. Taraji could hunt for squirrels and worms. I'm sure my apartment management won't mind. I would kill for some french fries right now. I wish BFF wasn't in Alaska right now. I really need to talk to her about how cranky I am and how I wish I could sleep late. Maybe I should start dating a professional football player...I wonder where they hang out. I would kill to be on a Spanish novella. Too bad I can't speak fluent Spanish. I can cuss in Spanish and say "I love you." That should really about cover it from what I've seen. I wonder where I audition. I would also kill to be a pop star. But, I'm too fat. Just thinking about it kind of makes me want to go eat some pasta. Speaking of...I have some on the stove. Crap. I have to go.

High Society is Lame

Okay, guys. Maybe I've been too busy too notice, or maybe, because I'm a silly little small-town girl I was a little starstruck, but the truth is all this socialite, high-society crap is kind of lame-oid. The "theme" of the gala this year is, "Dance With the Stars." And, unfortunately, it was my idea to hire local professional ballroom dancers.

I just don't know what I was thinking! If there's anything more disgusting than having to hang around a bunch of unhappy, drunk, plastic, rich people, it's watching aforementioned attempt to dance...ballroom style...with what will probably be some well-meaning and slightly out-of-shape "professional" dancers. And it's all my fault. Thankfully, there's lots of free booze at this thing. Let's just all hope I can drink enough before the dancing starts.

It's That time of Year Again

Remember this fiasco last year?? Remember how I had to paint the mural for that gala and then my ex-boyfriend was a loser and left me high and dry and a-dub and her hubby had to bail me out and I was totally stressed and over-committed, etc., etc.?

Well, to rememdy that situation - the over-commiting, putting-myself-in-stressful-situations situation - I decided to commit to something else. (Makes sense doesn't it?) But, nothing ridiculous, or anything. I just decided that it might be a good idea to also direct a play with 15 3rd-5th graders who can't act. And this year, I'm not painting a mural for the gala, I'm just building some scenery in my apartment and donating three paintings for the silent auction. No biggie. I'm not even stressed out right now. It's probably all the hot yoga. Also, I'm not dealing with a f#ck-wit ex-boyfriend. That helps.

Anyway, for your entertainment I'm posting pictures of the ridiculousness:

Yes, that is the mural from last year in the background.

The scenery is taking up so much space, I have a 2.5 foot space on my couch on which I can watch my TV. Also, the boxes are too big to fit through my door. I'll have to take them apart to get them out. It's great. And before you say anything...I totally don't have a disorder. Really.