Letter to Really Hot Man from Trinidad: We're done.

This is so hard. Because you're so hot. But you asked to come see me at my house and talked on the phone to some skank for 30 minutes, and then didn't even make a good excuse for your behavior!!! What the hell is wrong with you?!

It's possible that maybe you just don't know, so I'll give you the skinny: in this fair land called America, the one you currently live in, we consider talking on the phone for 30 minutes whilst you're the guest of someone else to be incredibly rude. In fact, if you were at Emily Post's house, she would have castrated you for sure.

In addition to the lengthy conversation you had IN FRONT OF ME, you also went out of your way to let it be known you were speaking to a girl. What? You don't remember? Let me help jog the memory of that tiny little brain of yours:
You said, and I quote, "Now, girl, when am I going to get to see you again? Or do you have a boyfriend that's keeping you in Brazil?"

You remember now, don't you? Because it's obvious that you know no better, let me break it down for you. First of all, she's in Brazil. Chances are, even if you were Brad Effing Pitt, she'd probably prefer Brazil to you. And since you're not Brad Effing Pitt, even if she doesn't have a boyfriend, Brazil is probably keeping her in Brazil.

Secondly: Wow. I am so impressed. I mean, really. You're dating other people besides me?! Really?! You must REALLY be quite a man.

Are you detecting my sarcasm yet?

Look, a real "playa" doesn't have to flaunt it. Before I broke up with T.O., I never talked to him in front of you. Because I didn't need to. I know deep, down in my heart, that I am one sizzlin' hot, grade-A, pimptress. I don't need to throw it in your face. You, on the other hand, are apparently not so secure in you pimp skills. Are you looking for some sort of validation from me? Are you looking for me to tell you how jealous I am that there is a possiblity that you might, someday, go out with some girl, once she gets back into North America. Well, it's not going to work. I hate to have to break it to you like this - especially since you are so hot.

But, history has shown us that even the hottest of the hot can be complete and total idiots. Take T.O. for example. He's hot. And totally idiotic.

You, apparently, are cut from the same cloth as T.O. And just as it saddened me to have to kick T.O. to the curb, it saddens me to have to kick you to the curb, but I have to. Any man who comes into MY house to see ME must give me all of his attention. ALL OF IT!!! I'll accept nothing less. So, I guess you just don't make the cut.

Please stop crying. You're embarrassing me.

C'est la vie. You'll find someone else who isn't nearly as fabulous as me, but who will put up with your little shananigins. Who knows? She may be closer than you think. Maybe even as close as Brazil.