Gafaw! An obligation, maybe...but an honor? That's a bit of a stretch! How do I hate Jury Duty? Let me count the ways...
I had jury duty ALL last week. It was toture! Aside from the fact that I had to turn in my cellphone at security and that I had zero access to the internet all day, I had to sit and listen to lawyers talk.
You think that they would make lawyers take at least ONE or TWO classes on how to make things interesting. How dissapointing it all was!! I kept critiquing the lawyers' presentations, like, they could have delivered that this way and it would have been soooo much better. But, whatev.
I had to listen to this mess from 9 to 5 every day. The horror! It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just some boring ol' little case. But, no. Naturally I would be picked to serve on the jury for a Federal Criminal Case!! For a cocaine dealer and his affiliation with a very, very dangerous prison gang.
Anyway, it was all very scary as they piled up the evidence of AK-47s, Colt-45s, and kilos of Cocaine on the floor. I'm mean I've seen some stuff - even dated a small-time drug dealer or two, but NEVER have I seen Scarface on trial! It was crazy!
We convicted him, but believe me, if there was anyway I could have avoided it, I would have. Apparently, his unconvicted brother's name is Bone Crusher. Bone Crusher was there every day and got a pretty good look at me...
All I have to say is that next time I'm summoned for Jury Duty I'm just gonna say crazy stuff, like: "I deal drugs!" or "My dad's in the Mexican Mafia!" or "I'm all for slavery!" or "Women don't need any rights!"
Whatever it is, it'll be crazy, and will most definetly prevent me from serving on any jury ever again.
5 comments:
Can I please be notified before you go into that next jury pool? I'm already getting happy thinking about you twitching and drooling on yourself in front of the lawyers while absent-mindedly groping the old lady next to you. The random Tourettes will be a nice touch too.
Wow, that's... kind of awesome. I'm sure it sucked and all, but think of it--you got that creep put away! It's just like "Law and Order." *sigh* I wish I could be on a jury.
It would have been like Law and Order...if the lawyers had had any TALENT!! It was more like Law and Boring. And Cachinnator - I'll be sure to invite you to my next jury summons!
Hey, the Cachinnator, I think we should make a field trip of it!
And Queen III, you could always secure your safety with the Texas Everygang by becoming one of their hoes. Just something to think about.
Hmmm...do you think that I'd actually have to have sex with them? Or could I just look really cute and they would just be satisfied to have such a hottie around? I wonder if they have also taken a vow of chastity...interesting things to consider...I'll have to send them an email.
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