Forky once commented to me, "Queen III, I don't know who you most aspire to emulate: Auntie Mame or Belle Poitrine."
This got me to thinking, which one do I most aspire to be? At the time, I thought, well obviously I'm Belle Poitrine (translated: Beautiful Chest), set to do anything to launch me into stardom. In patricular, exposing my ample cleavage at at any time that seemed convenient...to me. But somewhere along the way, I got distracted by doing good works. Also, I had to get a real job, which left less time and energy to devote to exposing my cleavage in the name of networking.
I became a school teacher. (I know, I can't believe it either.) I joined a church and even TITHED. I became a card-carrying...wait for it...Junior Leaguer. That's right. A JUNIOR-LEAGUER. I'm not ashamed of it, however, I also don't wear a Junior League t-shirt to the grocery store, if you know what I mean. But, some of my fellow Junior-Leagers have been impressed with my work in the league. Unlike some other Leaguers, I joined the league to actually help out in the community and do my share. (What?!) So, I keep being asked to do stuff--increasingly important stuff. Of couse I say yes. I mean, I love attention, so I can't say no(...hmmm...sounds a bit like my dating life, but I digress)! I've been committing and committing and doing lots and lots of things. Currently, I'm working on an 8'x8' mural for a charity gala. At first, it was no big deal. Just some little ol' gala. Everybody has 'em! Probably nobody will even bother to come!
And I was right, if you consider Ross and Margot Perot as nobody. I know that we've all made our fair share of fun of ol' Ross. But when Ross shows up, everybody else in Everycity shows up. Everbody. Including the press. Here is where I start to get a little hyper. The mural is not all that I'm in charge of for this shin-dig! They found out I was a theatre major and put me in charge of all the "big" stuff, meaning everything BUT the table decorations. Okay, okay. So, no pressure or anything, but I'm painting a mural that I don't want for anyone to think is crappy and I'm in charge of making everything look good. If it doesn't look good, maybe no one will notice...oh...but wait....the press will be there...and there'll be...pictures. (AKA documentation of possible complete failure) Oh, and don't forget, Margot's on the board of the Everycity Museum of Art. No pressure.
So, I was discussing this with a friend just the other day and he just wasn't GETTING it. And in my efforts to try and make him understand, I said this:
"Don't you understand?!! This is monumentally important! This is my FIRST SOCIALITE EVENT!!!!!!"
[Insert vinyl record scratch here.]
What did I just say?!!! Did I just use the word socialite in reference to myself??!! Oh, okay. I see what this is really about.
Let's do the math:
aspiring socialite + attention whore + now happily single + erratic dating behaviour + my little patrick (taraji) + progressive views on raising children - having absolutely no money (but if I did I would be fabulous) = ALMOST AUNTIE MAME
Somewhere along the way, I lost focus and decided that the exploitation of my chest as a way to reach fame and fortune was not the way to go...but I guess it's never too late.
Do you think ol' Ross is a boob man?
5 comments:
Have you ever seen the musical "Little Me"? It's a must see for anyone who fashions herself an Auntie Mame or a Belle Poitrine type!
Oh, and what with being the Queen and all, it only makes sense that you would be a socialite!
You're so cutting edge...a theatre major AND a socialite...so pushing the envelope!!!
You are a socialite! I've been able to rub elbows with some of the major $$$ of Everycity before, but only as a lowly plebe working in nonprofits--which makes you feel a bit like the little match girl.
But as one of them? Wow.
Just make sure they don't let them polish the scratches completely out of the surface, you know? I mean, women who only eat once a week and refer to Neiman's as simply "The Store" can be slightly monstrous. Shake 'em up! Then write a play about it! It will be brilliant!
Tracy - thank you for that. Yes, I like to think of myself as the avant guard of the Junior League!
A-dub - great advice and thanks for the warning. I can't imagine refering to anything as "the store" if you can't buy toilet paper at it. Also, I've tried being anorexic - a few times - and it only lasts a couple of hours, so I don't think that we'll have anything to worry about there!
So have you decided on a revealing frock to wear to the soirée?
Remember, Ross is a wee little man. So the dress isn't as important as the height of the shoes. You want to keep the girls right at eye level...
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