I know you're all thinking that I'm going to tell you some disasterous story about that freak of a boy who emailed me to tell me, that, after several months of not talking to him, he was still desperately in love me....or maybe that he just still thought I was hot. (Incidently, I haven't heard from him - a narrow escape indeed!)
But, no. That's not my huge mistake. My huge mistake is getting involved with a Trinidadian who doesn't give out his last name. (As I'm typing this, I'm realizing even more what a huge idiot I am.) Now, to my defense, this Trinidadian is excrutiatingly hot. However, I'm typically a little stronger in resisting even the hottest of them.....wait....
no I'm not. BUT THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT!!!!
We've been "seeing" each other for a few weeks now and I still haven't gotten up the nerve to demand to know his last name or else no hanky-panky. What's wrong with me?
I'll tell you what's wrong with me, I'm neurotic and have a touch of OCD. I can't stop thinking about how I don't know his last name, and I feel that the only way I can bring it up is in a casual, non-dramatic conversation. But, how, oh, how, I ask you, can I possibly bring up a subject casually when I've been obsessing over for weeks???!!
What to do...what to do....
And to heighten matters, he also appears to be practically perfect, meaning our life-philosopies seem to be closely related, we like to do the same kind of stuff, like the same music, are involved in the community, love children, but allegedly have none; have never been married (allegedly), are both very active, and have good senses of humor.
But this appearance of perfection is what has me so concerned. Maybe he's just a little too good, you know what I mean? Like, maybe he's a drug lord, or sells girls like me into white slavery, or he's really a serial killer, or he has nine wives, and/or 7 children.
What I mean is, there's gotta be something wrong with him, and as long as I don't know his last name, how can I run a criminal background check???!!! I'll even settle for a social security number.
See, I'm not picky...or psycho. Right??
5 comments:
Do one of those reverse phone number searches. Might have to pay a small amount, or your phone company might do it for free.
But really, you should be considering T.O.'s feelings on this.
But, Grant Miller, will it work for cell phones??
Maybe you should check out his drivers license. (Wait...he does have one doesn't he?) The next time you guys are out somewhere and you have to get your wallet or purse, kind of hide your license like you don't want him to see. He will want to see it all the more. Tell him that you will only show yours if he will show you his license. Then check out his last name, THEN do the background check and DNA database check.
Hmmmm....interesting thought, Jennifer...I wonder if I could pull that off.
Wait...
Yes! I can!! I'm wonderful and quite the actress! I'll do it!!!
Yeah. That's weird.
I guess he could just have a really horrendous last name, or one that sounds horrible with your first name, and he's afraid that you'll never marry him if you find out you will become Queen Arthropod or McCuistion.
Or maybe he's a registered sex offender.
I would have thought you would know never to trust a Trinidadian of any kind!
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