(That's from Arrested Development. I, unfortunately, didn't come up with it on my own.)
Okay, so after I wrote the long treatise about my failure, I received a text message from...wait for it...I know you're not going to be able to guess...A-man. Geez. He said he missed me.
sigh.
I realize that some of you are probably shouting for joy at how my experiment is going horribly awry. I never expected for anyone to actually fall for me! It's all in good fun, right? Right?!
Apparently not.
Keep in mind that A-man has actually only seen me in person 3 times. 3 TIMES!!! Oy vey. Last night he called me and made a statement that might lead one to believe that he is falling in love with me. (Oh. holy. jebus.) Also, he said, he can't stop thinking about me, he's totally falling for me, he totally digs me, blah, blah, blah. Obviously, he's deranged. Who falls in love with someone they've only seen 3 times? Who, I ask you?! I mean sure, I fell in love with T.O. even before I met him, but that was, like, a one in a million thing...
Okay, so, now I'm just a tad panicked because I never intended for there ever to be any real emotions involved! It's all for fun! Just for fun, everyone! Guys, no seriously...It's just for fun... no one's listening...
BUT - there's still more to this story: so yesterday afternoon I'm walking to my salon, which is right by the gym where both RHMFT and A-man work. (It's also where my ex-boyfriend works out, but that's neither here nor there...) Usually, RHMFT runs me down and we chit-chat about what-not and then he says he'll call me at some point or something or other, but YESTERDAY was different. Right outside my salon, as soon as I turn the corner, I see A-man sitting outside the cafe, with his son and a woman. I act like I'm daydreaming until I'm right beside them.
"Oh, hi!" I say. "How's it going?" I'm terribly nonchalant.
"Hey, Queen! How are you?" A-man says, trying to be as nonchalant as I. "This is my son, Cage, and my wife April."
sonofabitch. I keep my cool. I mean he told me that he was married, but he told me that it was a "fake" marriage, so that he could get his dual citizenship, and that he has to make it look convincing, so that he's not found out and deported. Suuuure. It looks like you're pretty "real" married to me. So, I make nice. I smile and make about 2 minutes of small talk. Then I walk into the salon and immediately call BFF. Holy cow. My knees are shaking and I'm a bit flabbergasted. I'm also still a little high off of the fixative we used on our chalk and paper drawings in school that day. We discuss what to do. We decide that it's best to just not say anything until I can make a face to face confrontation, that will hopefully be messy and dramatic.
Whilst in the salon, A-man sends me a text message: "Can you feel the love in my fake marriage?" I don't even know what to say. I reply, "yes..." I felt like the ellipses made my response more open ended or mysterious...or something. I mean, but what was I supposed to say?! Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, something like, "You're a crazed maniac" might have been appropriate.
So, I'm still on the phone with BFF, so we can kind of be walking out and facing the potential problem together, like BFFs should. And before I even make it out the door, there sits RHMFT!!!!
It's the perfect storm. (Hallelu!)
I tell BFF what's happening before I get out the door, so that once I'm out the door, we can pretend like we're not talking about the person in front of me. We're pretty slick.
I sit with RHMFT a while and we talk and chat and laugh like old, dear friends. What fun!
A-man is sitting not even 50 feet away with his "family." From the corner of my eye I could see him checking me and RHMFT out. For reals.
So, is it a coincidence that all of a sudden A-man is "in love" with me? Probably not. Just like I predicted, he feels like he has to compete with his friend for my attention. He's surely not as hot as RHMFT nor as charming nor as put-together. But, he is way more sensitive...like a woman. He's also way more married - that is...as far as I know.
Now, I guess I can say, "Mission Accomplished." Except for now...now I have something of a mess on my hands.
7 comments:
WOW, Where do you find these guys...oh yeah, I guess that's one of the many reasons I don't go to the gym.
I think you shouldn't have anything to do with A-Man anymore. In fact, can we start calling him A-Boy? Because he's acting like a child. Fake marriage or real marriage, he's married, and that's that!
I told you! I TOLD YOU. Not that folks listen to me anyway. But seriously. Freaking BAD! What happens if he gets stalkery?
Hey, Q, I hate to break this to you, but they both just want to get in your pants.
Cach - you obviously think I'm a fool. I am well aware of what they want, which is why they're both being mistreated.
I think I saw this somewhere before...oh yeah...on Passions that summer that I was laid up for a few weeks, something like this happened there, it ended badly and someone got a new face (aka a different actor stepped in)
You need to weasel out of this one, queenie, before you get a call to go on Springer. For reals!
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