So, my mother called last night and started the conversation like this:
"Queen iii, I need to talk to you about something."
OMG!!! My mom always starts conversations like this when she's about to chastise me. So, I gritted my teeth and got ready to hear what I was in trouble for THIS time. Actually, I sighed and said something along the lines of, "WHAT, Mom?"
I never know what it is I'm going to be chastised for until the words actually come out of her mouth. Usually, I'm fairly prepared, but this time, I was not.
"I overheard you and your dad speaking on the phone the other day about one of your blog entries and I'm concerned that you may have written some ugly things about your latest ex-boyfriend."
First of all, overheard, Mom?! Sure. Sure. Second of all, doesn't latest ex-boyfriend deserve to be exposed as the scoundrel that he is?
"Well, what if he reads your blog, Queen?"
"I don't care if he does, Mom!! Good! I'd love for him to read my blog! But he won't, because he didn't when we were together and he won't now. And if he does just happen to stumble upon it, then good! He deserves it!"
"Now, Queen, you're not really using your Christian principles are you? We should only be saying words to build others up. Did your blog build him up, or tear him down?"
"But, mom!" At this point I was reverting back to my teenage years. My subtext was totally, "That is so unFAIR!!" But I was able to hold my subtext back. I resumed, "He was a horrible boyfriend and an awful friend! I only told the truth, Mom! I only told what REALLY happened!"
"What if you guys get back together and he reads your blog? Will he be hurt?"
"WHAT?! Oh my gosh, Mom, we are NOT getting back togther, and even if we were, I STILL DON'T CARE IF HE READS IT!!!"
"That's not quite the point, Queen iii. I just want you to be sure to use your words wisely. Don't forget the incident in second grade where you wrote that letter to Debra Green telling her that if she told anyone that you made an 80 on your spelling test, she would be dead meat. Your teacher, Mrs. Gonzales was very concerned about you then and I still am. I mean, what if latest ex-boyfriend tries to sue you for libel or slander?"
My subtext: "OH HOLY JEBUS!!!! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I alsjrotaihds;lfakjsdlfkjasldfjas;ldjf;asldjfalsjdfl GO CRAZY!!!!"
"Mom....it's only libel or slander if it isn't true."
"Oh, well, okay. I guess you'll be fine, but I just wanted to make sure that you are staying true to your principles."
"Thanks, Mom."
The moral of this story is, no matter how old you are, you're never too old to get in trouble with Mom. And if any of you feel like you need a little discipline, feel free to call my mother. She'll set you straight every time!
The story of my life.
6 comments:
I think your mom is trying to break you down so she can get her hands on Raj.
I wouldn't put it past her! She's cunning...I'll have to keep up my guard!
See, my mom Writes notes like that, but more along the lines of...
Gray-ham,
We hate you, don't come home
Love,
Mom
Dear Q3,
People in Ethiopia don't have enough to eat. Shouldn't you be doing something about that?
Love,
Mom
Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
Since you never read Q3's blog before, I think it's safe to say that you aren't reading it now. But if you are, I think it totally sucks that you were so mean to Q3 that she has had to write about you on her blog. And the fact that she is now catching heck about it from her mom only makes me madder at you for not being nice to Q3. Be nice to the the Queen. She's the Queen. Okay?
Anonymous - I don't know who you are, but I love you! I'm so glad to know that I have support! At long last.
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