Oh, yeah....

I forgot to tell you all that I let Italian ex-boyfriend wash my car. But that was it, I swear!

I'm baaa-aaack.

I'm back in Ada. That's right. Back in Ada, Oklahoma. Okla-freakin-homa. The weather actually is really nice here. But, it's 1:30 in the morning and I've been working non-stop since 8:00 am. Welcome to low-budget film making! I guess it's payback for all the time I've spent on the couch. I'll send pictures soon! I know you're all dying to know just what Ada is ALL about. I'm gonna give it to you. Get ready.

It's painful

Because he's just too cute.
Here's pictures of my baby Taraji when he was only 6 weeks old. If they don't make you hurt a little bit inside, then you probaby just don't have a heart.

See what I mean?

Tired of It

Are there no good men in the world?! Are they all either gay or married by now? Should I rob the cradle, finally give in to my next door neighbor who has been pursuing me ever since the last break-up, let my Italian ex-boyfriend really "wax my car", or maybe just become a lesbian?! I am so, so sick of it.

I mean, let's just be honest. All the guys I've ever dated didn't deserve me, because I'm hot and practically a genius. I'm good with power tools, and I love to watch sports. Also, I'm stacked. Do they really think something better is in store for them?! However, all the guys I've ever dated have treated me like they were God's gift...apparently to me. Ha! And I'm sick of it. Just sick. Sick and tired of love. Sick. Sick. Sick.

I give up. I'm tired of it. I'm just going to give in to my one true love: TV....and maybe T.O. At least I'd know up front that he was an ass. I think that would give me great peace of mind.

So, T.O. it is. T.O. and TV. Awesome. What could be better? Nothing could be more perfect. I'm excited about it. Go me.

Where the He11 Have I Been?

The answer to this question is two-fold:
1. In computer hell
2. At my parent's house

Why? I'll answer in sequential order.

1. I've been in computer hell because my computer is having a mysterious problem that no one can solve and that might eventually cause me to have to call one of those trouble shooting places that make everyone want to die. This has caused me to completely ignore my computer because I am disgusted with it. Technology is like an abusive boyfriend, however. No matter how much he beats me, cusses at me, and treats me like crap, I keep going back. So, here I am!! Hating myself even as I type this... I should probably seek counseling.

2. I am going on a couple of trips in the next few weeks and I need a safe, caring place for my precious, precious, wonderful, sweet, loving dog to stay. As some of you may know, my shrewed mother has been trying to get her hands on him ever since I birthed him...uh...I mean bought him. So, because they're free room and board, I gave in. But, I thought I'd get in a little visit whilst I was down south. It was fun! We went to the beach, I slept in (not that that's any different, but it was fun nonetheless), I hung out with my BFF, Taraji hung out with his BFF (my BFF's dog), I went to see Nacho Libre TWICE because OMG! Jack Black is the most hilarious guy ever and Nacho Libre makes me hurt inside it is so funny, I complained about how humid it was and in the same breath talked about how I like my hair when it looks like Diana Ross', and generally farted around and ate my parent's food.

If I can work up the energy and work through the general disdain I currently have for technology, I will post some pictures/video of my awesome, most fantastic adventures in South Texas. I know you'll all be holding your breath.

Television is Rotting My Brain

It's happening. I can feel my brain turning to mush. I watch so much TV, you'd think I'd have cable, but I don't. I've figured out a way to watch TV practically ALL day and be competely interested without forking over any money for cable. It's my way of stickin' it to the man since he took away my bootleg.

The flip-side of watching re-runs for a goodly portion of the day is theat it turns your brain into complete crap. It's difficult for me to just write an email!

All I would have to do is turn off the TV, but it is so, so hard! Maybe tomorrow I can just turn...it...off....

I may be about to go into a TV-induced coma. Save Queeniii! (from herself)

Drunk as a Skunk

I got drunk last night and threw up. It was miserable.
Fortunately, I don't have to work, so I'll be spending the rest of the day recovering.

High As a Kite

So, I've had this horrible headache the past couple of days. I attributed it to allergies, so I took a Zyrtec at 1:30 in the morning. I planned to get up at 9 am. I'd get plenty of sleep and what a day I had planned!!! I was so excited about it! I was going to get things done! Whoo hoo.

My alarm went off at 9 am. I found that I couldn't move. Really, really couldn't move. I thought maybe I just needed 10 more minutes of sleep. I hit snooze. My alarm goes off 10 minutes later. I find that I can't move. I think that maybe I just need 10 more minutes of sleep. I hit snooze. My alarm goes off 10 minutes later. I find that I can't move. I think that maybe I just need 10 more minutes of sleep. I hit snooze.

This continues for about an hour. I hit snooze one last time, but the alarm never went off again. Apparently, the snooze button runs out of energy. Damn, you, snooze button.

Anyway, I ended up sleeping until 11:30. I finally woke up and realized that I was as high as I had ever been. So high. Higher than that time...uh...I mean...what?...I've never inhaled anything illegal...

Folks, Zyrtec is the strongest drug I've ever taken - hands down! Forget the Ruffies, date-rapists, slip him/her a Zyrtec! They're much easier to get and you can claim you were just trying to help him/her with their allergies.

I had to stumble around for about an hour before I was ready to do anything! At least I caught one episode of A Different World. Because it's a different world from where you come from. Yes, it is now.

Ada

Where have I been? Ada, Oklahoma. And the guy who said that Oklahoma is OK! was exactly right. It's OK. just ok. nothing really more than ok. just ok.

Why did I go? I'm working on a film project for the Chickasaw Indians. How did I fall into this project? Let's just say acting a bit like Belle Poitrine wasn't completely unproductive. That's all I'm going to say.

No it isn't. Let me take this moment to say what a complete waste of time meetings are. I had to go to about 3 or 4 meetings whilst in Ada, and they were all worthless. We didn't decide anything, but sure did waste a lot of time. It was awesome. But, I guess I shouldn't complain because I didn't have anything else to do.

Here's something you should know about Ada, Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain: there are no sidewalks or crosswalk signs. Apparently it's against the law to walk around town. I almost got arrested for solicitation. Imagine that.

You Can't Even Be Serious

*sigh* *sigh* *heavy sigh*

please. say. it. isn't. so.

My love, T.O., has a middle name...and it's not Danger.

At first, I didn't believe it. There's just no way. It must be a joke - a cruel, cruel joke. I mean, people are always trying to get me to denounce my love for T.O., and I thought that this was just another way to try and make me say something I don't mean.

It is far more tragic than that, however.

T.O.'s middle name is...oh! this is going to hurt...his middle name is...really and truly - no lies - is Eldorado.

ELDORADO!!!!!!!!

I want to die. How can I ever be with a man who's named after a car?!

I'm going to have to go and reevaluate.

It's almost too much

He's just too cute. My dog is painfully adorable! I realize that this is shameless, but please don't hate me for making you look at pictures of the love of my life!

Sometimes, it's just too much...I'm seriously considering becoming a stage mother.

I Have Found the Secret to Happiness

It's called Summer Vacation.

What joy is mine!! Last night I went to the pool at midnight. It was awe inspiring. There was no one there and I seriously considered taking off my insignificant bathing suit, but eventually decided it was too risky. But, oh! What fun!

I can sleep as long as I want, watch A Different World twice a day, and go swimming at midnight. What could be better?

I recommend everyone take a summer vacation! It's the best! Just make sure you're getting paid for it.

In other news, my whole family is in Canada, but they didn't invite me. Something about how if I wanted to travel the world I should have gone to a state school or some ridiculous nonsense like that! If I DID go to a state school, how could I possibly justify hanging my diploma in the ridiculously gaudy frame it stays in currently?! Do you even get diplomas at state schools?! Anyway - whatev. I don't need 'em. Go to Canada, family! Go! I DON'T CARE! And when, one day, I'm famous and all the Canadians love me because I endorse the Bare Naked Ladies, I'll make sure to get them to DIS-invite you to their country. Unfortunately, you probably won't be missing much, but at least VENGANCE WILL HAVE BEEN SERVED!!!!!!!!!! bwa. ha. ha.

Tuesday is close to Monday...right?

Okay, I know that I said that my daily schedule would be posted by Monday, but see, I forgot that Monday was a holiday...and I know what you're thinking: "Queeniii, EVERY day is a holiday for you right now!!"

That's true, but it WAS a holiday for all my friends who work all the time, so I had to hang out with them. HAD to.

But anyway - I've compiled a daily schedule and it should be pretty good, and I know all of you can rest assured that I'm not just sitting around in my pajamas, watching TV, not doing anything, building up resentment between us because I'm at home all day and I CAN'T EVEN DO THE LAUNDRY?!!

So, here goes:

1. Wake-up before noon
2. do some sort of workout, so I don't balloon up to 400 pounds
3. eat some breakfast - but not too much
4. play with my dog while also teaching him to be obedient
5. write on the blog
6. brush up on my espanol
7. read some stuff
8. write curriculm for next year
9. clean up after myself
10. and finally, do something exciting and adventerous

every day.

So, what do you think? Awesome or what? I should also schedule some time for Summer Lovin'....anyone got T.O.'s number?

I don't care what anybody says, I love him.

What I'm Doing Now

Nothing. I'm not doing anything. It's almost 2:30 pm and I haven't even managed to get out of my pajamas. I'm disgusting.

Something will have to change. I'm going to have to DO something...and whilst watching KERA IS in fact educational, I don't think that it acutally counts as doing anything.

I need to wash my hair...and my face. At least I've brushed my teeth! That's a start. If I had some money, I could do LOTS of stuff. I don't, however, so I'll have to be creative.

What to do...what to do....

I've already saying the phrases Paul M. Sark suggested for me practice. I'm pretty good at saying them, too! You shold hear me!!!

Anyway, I think that in about 30 minutes, I'll start to work up the motivation to WRITE DOWN some ideas of what I could do with all my free time. My commitment to my faithful readers is that I WILL HAVE MY DAILY SCHEDULE POSTED BY MONDAY!! This way, you can all rest easy that I'm not just wasting my life away while you all have to go to work every day.

I wouldn't want there to be any resentment between us!

Did I mention that I get paid to do nothing for 2 months and 2 weeks?

The Last Day of School

Ahhhh....the last day of school. Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my job. LOVE IT. But is there anyone out there who can really say that they wouldn't look foward to 2 consecutive months of paid vacation? I can't think of anyone. Actually, it's more like 2 months and 2 weeks, but who's counting?

However, the last day of school is always just a big joke. There's never actually any school in the last day of school. Everyone knows it and no one would even try to deny it. But when there's no school at school, that's when all HELL breaks loose.

This morning, before it got unbearably hot, I let my students play outside. It was great - and easy! Easier than my job usually is - which is saying something! But then, 3rd grade came out to play. 3rd grade is the bain of my existence. They're awful. Horrible, even! However, I thought that they'd be okay just running around outside!

Oh, I am a fool indeed! In the span of about 20 minutes, I broke up 2 small fights and 1 HUGE fight (yes, we're talking about 9 year-olds). One child fell and began bleeding PROFUSELY and all over me, too, and finally one child had to be sent to the nurse's office, as he was the victim of the HUGE fight, in which several boys punched him and stepped on him.

I am so serious. They're 9. And violent. I wish every day that corporal punishment was still legal.

I know what you're all thinking: "Queeniii, how could you SAY that?! That's just teaching children to solve their problems with violence! That's no way to teach children!!"

And I say to you, come teach in the hood. Do it. Then, we'll talk.

Needless to say, the rest of my classes get to stay in and watch The Neverending Story (aah ah aah ah aah ah) in the nice, cool air conditioning. I never tell them beforehand that Artex is a doomed horse...is that wrong?

But, hey! At least I'm not bored today!!! Hallelu!

Bored Out of My Mind

This is me, from sunrise to sunset.

I've gone from being incredibly, ridiculously, terribly busy and over-committed to incredibly, ridiculously, terribly NOT busy and under-committed.

This is WHY I over-commit. I fear boredom. Like the plague. And now I'm bored. I feel like I have the plague.

You'd think after the crazy few months I've had, I'd be eager to have nothing to do. I thought I would be, too. But, I'm not. I'm bored. so. so. so. so. very. bored.

There's nothing left to do at school. bored.

My house is clean enough. bored.

The guy I've been casually dating works all the time...or just doesn't want to see me anymore. bored.

Forky's ALWAYS in rehearsal. bored.

I'm TRYING to be good and NOT call any former members of the AlmaU football team that I may still be in remote contact with. bored.

I don't have any money, so I can't go shopping. bored.

I already balanced my checkbook...twice. bored.

Go Fug Yourself has only been averging 2 posts a day. bored.

Did I mention I'm really fighting the urge to call the AlmaU football team? bored.

BORED, BORED, BORED! out of my mind. What am I going to do?! My life without drama, adventure, and over-committing is a sad empty shell! Soon, I'll be on summer break. I'm terrified! I need something to do. I'm open to any suggestions that aren't crappy. Also, if anyone has T.O.'s number, could you help a sister out and fork it over? Thanks. I'm going to go bang my head against a wall.

An All-Time Low

So, as many of you may already know from reading Forky's post about my emergency room stint, I was sick last week.

Now, I've had some stomach flu before. You just take some Phrenegen, sleep a lot and wish for about 24 hours that you could just die already. But this...this was the stomach flu of all stomach flus! I had never, in all my life, felt exactly like I did last Wednesday. I thought aliens were growing in my stomach. I didn't know what to do, so I called the Doctor - the on-call Doctor, of course. I told her I was having severe stomach cramps. She made a noise...like an "oh, shit" noise...followed by, "If your cramps get ANY worse, you need to go to the Emergency Room immediately." Great.

They got worse. I got my cousin to drop my pathetic, puking self off at the Emergency Room. I could barely walk inside. I was crying and speaking in very low tones (which, if you've ever been around me is VERY unusual for me), but I managed to check myself in. I found a place big enough in the window sill to lie down. It was a pathetic scene. But it didn't end there - oh, no!

Keep in mind that I had the stomach flu - at that point in time, I didn't know what it was - and that throwing up is a very key element in said flu. I made my way to the emergency room bathroom and proceeded to collapse by the toilet. I stayed there a good while and eventually just went ahead and dozed off, right there on the floor of the emergency room bathroom. And that was it - that right there was an all new low point for me. Falling asleep on the bathroom floor of the ER - and I just didn't even care. I was so sick, I just was thankful for a cool place in which I could remain horizontal.

3 1/2 hours later, they got me into a room, gave me a shot in my butt and a pill under my tongue and sent me home. And while I was thankful for the drugs, they didn't offer any consolation for having to put my face down on ER tile, but whatev. The drugs were strong, so I was happy.

All's well that ends well, I guess.

My Own Personal Hell

If I died and went to hell, I would be punished by being constantly ignored. Those of you who do know me, know that I am an attention whore. I don't try to deny it. I know what I am.

In this personal hell of mine, I would be constantly trying to make other people laugh by saying really witty things, doing my fake fainting trick, singing, tap dancing, droppin' it like it's hot, twirling my batons, jumping, yelling, and crying in order to try and get someone to notice me, but no one would. Just thinking about it makes me shudder!

So, yesterday, I gave my very own father my blog address and I know for sure that yesterday he looked at it. BUT - he made NO comments. There's no real way to know for sure that he's really paying attention to me unless he makes some comments, BUT THERE ARE NONE!!!

Dad - if you're reading this, I have to ask: ARE YOU IGNORING ME?!!!!

omg. I. have. issues. Seriously.

To Forky: I'm tired of repeating myself.

Forky and I have been "Besties" since we were 18. Since before the gay boyfriend. Since before, really, the dawn of time. In many ways, we've kind of grown up together. We've experienced many changes on this road of life together, but there is one thing that never, NEVER changes. It is this conversation:

"Forky, I'm too depressed to (eat, drink, sleep, have fun, etc.) because of (whatever my current [insignificant] crisis may be). I WANT TO DIE!!!!!"

"Queen iii, don't you think you might be overreacting just a little?"

"No!!! I'm not!! (Current [insignificant] crisis) is (insert any word that is related to total detriment, demise, or tragedy here) and MY LIFE IS OVER!!"

"Don't you think that you might want to give it, like, more than 2 hours before you so hastily decide that your life is really just one big tragedy? I mean, you could be overreacting just a tad. And didn't I tell you that if you (insert previous action that lead to current [insignificant] crisis) this would happen?"

"First of all, I DO NOT OVERREACT!!!!! Okay?! (Current [insignificant] crises) is going to be the death of me! And, I don't remember any conversation in which you told me anything about anything!" {The last statement is of course, a bold-faced lie.}

Fast-foward to the next day.

"Hey, Forky! What's up?"

"Nothing."

"So, umm, yeah, it really wasn't that bad. I might have been overreacting. tee hee."

"Really. Imagine that."

"You wanna go get drunk tonight?"

"No. I have rehearsal."

Forky and I have this same conversation, with noted variations at least once a week. We should be having it today, but I'm pretty tired of repeating myself and I'm sure that Forky is too. I'm just guessing. Forky, if you feel like having this conversation over again, just call me. I'd rather just forgo the whole process. Maybe we could think of, like, a shortened version of the whole thing...any ideas? I'm pretty open.

Oh, and by the way, last night, I might have been overreacting. tee hee.

Who in the world is Grant Miller?!

Who IS he?!

And how did he find our blogs?!! The only people that read my blog are the people that I went to good ol' Alma U with. And a sprinkling of other people, and while I, of course, want to be the MOST POPULAR BLOG EVER, I am content with being just kind of popular amongst the people that I know.

But, I don't know Grant Miller! He found Forky's blog first, which made me curious, so I did some investigation and even participated in his delightfully entertaining and very active blog. Here's what I have ascertained:
He's 33. His picture is therefore fake, but funny. He is some type of journalist. He is married. He might live in Chicago or somewhere in the near viscinity. He has lots of friends who also have funny blogs. He's a White Sox fan. He doesn't eat ketchup on his corn dogs. But, who IS he? And how did he find us?! It's all so mysterious and I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!

Grant Miller, if you're reading this, throw me a bone or something! I'm dying! At least give me like ONE piece of the puzzle - SOMETHING!!! I like your blog and I like your friends' blogs, but I really, really need to know something about the mystery that is Grant Miller.